It's been 4 years...

It's been 4 years...

Some of you may know I used to do sports. I've always kind of done them, I have always loved them. What you may not know is that I fell in love with track and field. And before I got to pursue a career in that sport, I was injured.

The profesional diagnosis was that I cannot do sports on a professional or even amateur level. I would be eventually be able to run and do some other things, but could never do them everyday or on a more serious level.

So, being 15 I had my heart broken. I had planed my next 10 years within this field. A very detailed 10 years. Obviously I fell into a really, really dark place. I would sleep all day, fight with my family, friends. Didn't see the point of life.

"If I can't run then why does it matter if I walk!?" I once said to my dad during an argument.

The following year was very hard. I had to do physical therapy and lots of other treatments to be able to not feel pain everyday. I think this goes without saying, but having friends that can do sports at that time was very hard.

My dark place didn't consist of drugs or alcohol or things like that. It consisted of crying pretty much all night long, fighting with everyone that was in my sight, not leaving the house, sleeping all day and so on.

I'm not writing this, so you would feel sorry for me. I'm writing this to maybe help someone who is hurting and thinks it will never end.

It will.

"This too shall pass...." my aunt keeps reminding me on the bad days.

So what changed? Nothing. A day went by, 2, 3, a week, a month... next thing I know it's been 4 years.

Im not gonna tell you it's always easy. I'm not gonna tell you it still doesn't hurt mentally and physically sometimes, but what I will tell you, it does get better.

What about now?

Sometimes I still wonder, sometimes it doesn't matter at all. But I'm sick and tired of being in the past. I've moved on. I live my life, I travel, meet people, occasionally model, train in sports I never thought would interest me, train in track and field sometimes and do so many things I never thought I would do, feel so many things I didn't think I would. I thought I would be numb or in pain forever, but I'm not.

I'm happy, not always, but on most days. I don't plan ahead anymore, that's true, but that's fine.

You don't always have to have it all figured out, have a plan, know where you are headed. What's most important is that you keep going. Keep fighting...

So, if you are hurting, feel like you've hit rock bottom, feel like your heart was ripped out of your chest or just having a bad day, remember, it will get better. And if it gets worse, then obviously you haven't hit rock bottom yet.

Stay strong! Don't give up on yourself!

We are only human :)

It's a smiley face by the way.